Monday, March 20, 2006

Strange dreams

So since they had me open while Journey was being born I had them tie my tubes. So three kids is it for me. But now I keep having dreams that I am pregnant. I keep seeing myself giving birth (naturally!) to this beautiful little girl. Both of which are so far beyond the realm of possibility that I can say that it's impossible.

Let's see, I'm nursing, which in itself can act as birth control. Then there is the fact that my tubes are tied. Then the incompetent cervix, cerclage, possible bedrest, premature labor....always ending in a c-section as a result of the scar tissue from the cerclage, so I can't fully dilate. So there is no way that I can ever give birth naturally to another child at this point.

When I wake up in the morning I get this little thrill though. Because although I know that we are not in the best position to have another child that I would love to have more. So logically no more kids is a good decision, probably the best for our family and marriage. Still in the little recesses of my heart is this yearning for another little girl.


Earthchild618 said...

I have heard of this happening when you make a decision that is so "final". Even I, who will in no way ever get pg. with my issues, have dreamt that I have gotten pg. In my heart I know it will never happen. But my mind is combatting the finality of it all.

Elaina said...

I think part of the reason is AF is staying away and it makes me think of it. Even though I know nursing is the readon, but I am at peace. If we ever decide later that we want more, I'll follow your route. I would actually love to adopt a native american baby because dh is 1/4 Chinook. Would fit into our family and be able to share it's heritage.